Sarcasm is replying for stupidity with most unpredictable answers which will shut any mouth, and it generates a lot of fun with sense. Here we collected some of the funny sarcastic quotes and sayings which will make you hahaha!
Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings
01
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
02
“Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
03
“Follows Diet
Diet doesn’t Follow back
Unfollows diet
04
“There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.”
05
“Sorry Honey, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”
06
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because i liked it.”
07
“Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.”
08
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.”
09
“People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.”
10
“Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Blink
Monday”
11
“I’m not saying I hate you. But, I would unplug you’re life support to charge my phone.”
12
“Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.”
13
“Are you free tomorrow?”
“No, I’m expensive.”
14
“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”
15
“Two reasons I don’t trust people.
1. I don’t know them.
2. I know them.”
16
“I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.”
17
“My vocabulary:
50% Swearing.
50% sarcasm.”
18
“You reminded me of a penny. Two-faced, and not worth much.”
19
“Excuse me, which level of hell is this?”
20
“Don’t show me your attitude, My block list is bigger than your friend list.”
21
“They call it a “selfie” because “narcissistic” is too hard to spell.”
22
“Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.”
23
“I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
24
“Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”
25
“If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.”
26
“I hate multiple personalities and none of them like you.”
27
“Is your as$ jealous of all that sh!t coming out of your mouth?”
28
“My heart has no room for you, but the trunk of my car definitely does.”
29
“Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.”
30
“If someone calls you ‘UGLY’ have a good comeback and say ‘EXCUSE ME’, I am not a mirror.”
31
“My level of sarcasm depends of your level of stupidity.”
32
“You’re not a model. You’re a b!tch with a Smartphone and 37 editing apps. Sit the fu*k down.”
33
“You are the result of 4 Billion Years of evolution. So act like it.”
34
“525 million dogs in the world and you think I need you?”
35
“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
36
“Not all girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice. I’m made of sarcasm, wine, and everything fine.”
37
“Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”
38
“I’ve got a good heart, but this mouth.”
39
“I’m busy right now, Can I ignore you some other time?”
40
“If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
41
“You sound better with your mouth closed.”
42
“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”
43
“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
44
“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”
45
“I’m 97% sure you don’t like me, but I’m 100% sure I don’t care.”
46
“Sarcasm: Just one of the many services I offer.”
47
“I am currently experiencing life at the speed of 60 WTF’s per hour.”
48
“You don’t like me? That’s a shame. I’ll need a few minutes to recover from the tragedy.”
49
“Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay?”
50
“I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.”
51
“Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.”
52
“I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell.”
53
“I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.”
54
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
55
“My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.”
56
“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”
57
“If my jokes offend you:
1. I’m sorry.
2. It won’t happen again.
3. 1 & 2 are both lies.
4. You’re a pussy.”
58
Dear haters, I couldn’t help but notice that ‘Awesome’ ends with ‘Me’ and ‘Ugly’ starts with ‘U’.
59
“Just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car. While using my phone as a flashlight.”
60
“When people see you lying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are You Sleeping?” “No, I’m training to die.”
61
“The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.”
62
“If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.”
63
“Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.”
64
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
65
“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
66
“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
67
“Sarcasm is not an attitude. It is an art.”
68
“I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.”
69
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
70
“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
71
“I started out with nothing..I still have most of it.”
72
“I’m sorry. I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.”
73
“It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”
74
“I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.”
75
“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
